What are the goals of discernment counseling?
Discernment aims to get clarity and confidence in what is currently not working and the possible options moving forward. Sounds so simple, right?
Unlike couples therapy discernment isn’t about tools and making changes, it’s not about creating closeness. There is actually very little time for the couples to talk together in discernment. The structure of discernment is designed specifically to help a couple see how they each contribute to the issues that brought the relationship to this point and what each path would mean for them. It’s all about looking inward and assessing what you can, and can not change.
Three Paths
Stay the Course: nothing changes and you keep going as is.
Divorce/Separation: You both agree that the relationship has entered one of its most important phases, the ending. Discernment, ideally, has allowed you to come to this decision with confidence. It is still a hard transition, but you can go about it collaboratively not as adversaries.
6 Months Therapy: You agree to put all conversations about ending things on pause and work to make things work as a unit. You have the lists and objectives of what changes are needed, and now you get to build the relationship so everyone feels confident and cared for.